An observation.

My owner thinks a lot. In fact her whole day is taken up with thinking. Mainly about how much she doesnt like herself. I dont know why but she has a low self esteem. I tried telling her that everyone does although at times i can see where she is coming from. As a writer she has it in her to want to write all her thoughts, and stories, she has to sometimes battle with what she really wants to write and what is expected in society. In her view, that is not only hypocrytical but it is a lie. My owner says the truth is ugly, at first, but then it somehow forms into a beautiful honest picture whereby everybody feels better. She lives a lie on a daily basis, and finds solace in humour. She likes making people laugh. She has always been a clown and she uses that. She thinks maybe a lot of other people do as well but is not sure as people dont really like to show who they really are. My owner says that she is fundamentally lazy these days. She finds no happiness in anything and she has a lot of things unsaid inside her. She tried writing poetry but got comments from people who perhaps prefer to live lives in a lie kind of way. I dont know what that means either as i am just a cat, but i am good at listening. She says that there are all kinds of people in this world. Fat, thin, short, tall, gay, bi, straight, bad, good, pathetic, unreasonable, pretentious and she says it is both comforting as well as reassuring to know this. What good is it to live a lie she often thinks? Why must i pretend to be happy, well off, religious, good, forgiving and patient when i am not? Why must i accept the labels i hear about me? The assumptions made. The mistakes that are always at the forefront and yet the good things never mentioned? My Owner is a divorcee. That is also a huge
thing here. She has been called a lot of names ever since the divorce. Funny thing is that nobody has ever bothered to ask why she divorced? That would of course be mundane. Nobody is interested in mundane. My owner thinks women have it tough. She says that a lot of women are in marriages whereby they are unhappy and uncared for. They are expected to contribute to the family income and yet are not given due love or respect. She says its a facade. And thats why she divorced, But she is not supposed to talk about that.
She is called melodramatic and nuts. She likes nuts. Because nuts means she is on the right track and in touch with her feelings. She would rather be called nuts than normal. Normal means pent up and fake. Nuts means you dare. She has a lot of empathy towards women caught in loveless marriages, no love, no joy, no sex, no anything. Some are afraid to break away. They believe it is their duty to stay. Duty to who? A man who is about as caring as a pickled rock? And what duty? Its not a duty marriage. It's a gift. My owner has seen marriages fall apart. Hers fell apart in a glorious manner and she was left to pick up the pieces with nothing but a stream of accusations that she accepted as she at least had gotten her freedom. Nothing else though.
It's easy to carry on when you have money she always says. But she had no money either. All the money she had was gone. She declared bankruptcy as well. That was another great day. Had she had money she would have been able to sail onwards, hire lawyers , fly flags but nope. So she turned to drinking a lot. That was she found, a great releif. People tutted and frowned as if they had never even drank and this she found to be highly amusing as she knew  a lot of them were just enjoying watching out for the next thing she would do.
She doesnt care what she says , but she does. In fact she only says what she believes is real and finds it hard to pretend to be so damn good when she is not. She avoids people a lot as she doesnt like gossip. She feels that so many people thrive on gossip that it is almost a sickness. She has few friends. She had before but they were just fake and farty. Plus not many people like her. After she lost her business she felt as if she was in an abyss. Thats a not nice place. And she had no energy to even want to fight. She is often seen as loud and brash, fickle minded, unreliable, insecure, bad with money, lazy and she doesnt mind . Her main obstacle is not feeling motivated. She has no inspiration at all.  She has ideas though all the time. And would love to take a big baseball bat and whack something. She wants at times to say, thats not the truth. But she plays along.
She suits the stereotype bad woman image to a tee. My Owner loves me a lot because i listen to her and i make her laugh. I guess also because i am honest. My Owner says i am her best friend. She is my best friend too.